Current Frustrations

Bored na ako sa work ko. I still have a relatively heavy workload but I feel that there is nothing new that I encounter anymore. I go to work and feel no excitement, coz I have nothing to look forward to. In fairness though, I have yet to reach the point where I don’t wanna go to the office, I still have the drive to go to the office everyday but I feel it’s more of due to the obligation and not the willingness. With this kind of feelings about work I know it’s time for me to move on, but I’m stuck in my position coz of some stupid technical case that I’m paying for by being banned from applying for promotion. Malapit na talaga akong umabot sa point of boredom, and that’s really scary. I get pretty nasty when I’m bored. Sana February na para pwede na akong mag-apply at the least.

Hindi pa rin ako makalipat. I think every morning na lang, while inside the taxi that will take me to the office, lagi kong nasasabi sa sarili ko na ang layo ng office ko. Considering I travel when it’s really not traffic yet, travel is a breeze, and I still find my office too far from home. We were supposed to move in na this weekend, but one of my supposed flatmate’s mom died, and I really think she’s gonna pull out her money and not rent the room anymore. And it just screwed everything up, coz we’ve already paid half, and now we have to look for a new person who will rent the room, which is soooo hard. Hay. One setback after another. Sometimes I think that unit is not for us, but if we don’t move in there, where? And if not soon, when?

Pera. Well I know hindi lang naman ako ang frustrated sa pera, I think every Filipino is, but sometimes, sometimes lang naman, I wish I have more money. Or I wish we still have a lot of money, like before. If I could turn back time, I would’ve asked money from my parents back when they still had a lot of extra and invested it in a business, baka by now I’ve already paid back and still earning. Or I would’ve gone overseas, when we still had show money. It’s not like super hirap ng money but I guess as human, sometimes I wish I have more. Lalo na pag hindi binayaran ng Finance ang OT ko, or that SSS loan I wanted is not working out, that kinda stuff.

Lovelife. I know you know I’d write about this. Haha. Well lately I hear myself blurting out a lot more often that “gusto ko na ng boyfriend.” Depending on who I’m talkin to, some would just chuckle, others would laugh, others would agree yeah I should have a new one, some would be deadma, and others would say “ano ka ba, i-enjoy mo ang pagiging single.” Uhm, I think ilang taon na akong nag-eenjoy? Ibang klaseng enjoy naman ang gusto ko.

My crush. Yes, frustrated ako sa kanya coz he’s so hard to read. I think I’m partly to blame coz I listen to so many stories/opinions of other people about him than me finding those out for myself. Thing is, I am so much discouraged by his seemingly lack of interest in me. But I observed lately, that he never made me feel like he doesn’t wanna talk to me when I try to. He’s just not the type who opens up conversations, and to accuse that as a crime to him might be too harsh. And so, I’m trying to look at the brighter side of things when I talk to him. I try to enjoy the bits and pieces of him that he slowly shares and shows to me. And what can I say, I still like them all, kahit minsan hindi ko masakyan ang humor, kahit minsan hindi ko ma-take ang ka-conio-han, keri pa rin! Kahit papano he makes me happy, ok na ako dun for now.

My bestfriends. Oh yes, prinoproblema ko sila pareho these days. Ole and Kay. Kay is really lost with her career path lately, and it makes me wonder if she felt as bad when I was the one who kept on changing jobs. So she’s not ok with her current job and wants out, thing is she wants to go back to the company she left for this company. Which I think is not a very good move. You don’t go back to something you decided to let go. But, I’m one example of a person who went back to a company I previously resigned from. But, I am also a different case. And our company has a way different culture from her last company. I’ve had my share of Pinoy way of running a company, and sad to say, it sucks. People talk behind your back, people who don’t deserve to be there are there coz they are relatives with someone from management, your boss is actually someone who knows nothing, etc, etc. So, wala akong masabi, in short. Wala akong ma-advise, or I’m just afraid that what I’d say might hurt her. Ewan ko ba. All I know is I told her she shouldn’t go back.

As for Ole, well, I’m just frustrated about him not getting the kind of attention he’s hoping for in the Philippine sports scene. Right now he is in Turkey for a kickboxing tournament, and I wish people here in Pinas would see how he’s treated in Europe, like a superstar. He has cameras following him wherever he goes, interviews, pictorials, etc. And Pinas is literally snobbing him when all the guy wants is to represent the country in SEA Games. This guy went to Pinas to get recognized as a Pinoy, willingly left his gym management in Thailand to the care of other people, used his own money for airfare, food, etc, did not complain, and he still didn’t get anything out of it. I guess it’s more of naaawa ako, coz his intentions are really noble, and people here don’t seem to see that. And I can’t do anything to help, except keep on encouraging him whenever he feels down. I just feel he deserves a lot better treatment, kahit not as much as what he gets in Europe, at least make the guy feel welcome.

And lastly, I’m frustrated about the upcoming holidays. Ayoko ng gastos, ayoko ng Christmas traffic, ayoko ng last minute shopping which I will most probably do, at ayoko ng Christmas parties tapos wala na naman akong partner. Hmph.

Hindi na ako napapasaya ng ice cream araw-araw ha.