It’s OK to be a Bad Christian
November 10, 2005Got this from Rockwell of Stephen Speaks’ MySpace blog. This morning I went into some reminiscing session with my friend Chris about the songs/bands that we like and Stephen Speaks was one of those that got mentioned because we are both big fans of the former group. So when I got home, I turned the computer on and listened to some of my Stephen Speaks mp3s while watching football (yes, I know, weird combination). Anyhoo, when I got to work I went to their website where I haven’t been to in the loooongessst time, considering I used to go there like every 2 hours per day when they were still really big here. And I don’t regret that, I got to meet a lot of real nice people, and that’s not only limited to the band members. But I digress, I really want to talk about what was written in Rockwell’s blog.
My Christian life is something I refuse to talk about, even to myself, maybe because I am not particularly proud of it. I used to be one those what other people call as a “chuch goer”, back in those days when Sunday school was really fun, and also Vacation Bible school during summer, Friday night Bible studies, even concerts. I totally loved it. Those were during my grade school days. When I got to high school, I had less time for church activities mainly coz of the heavy school load. I couldn’t not take care of my studies first or else I would flunk high school, and it wasn’t just a normal high school, it was a Science High School so the pressure was really on.
Come college years, that’s when things got screwed up. My college alma mater is known for it’s Catholic teachings, we were run by a priest, I had priests too as professors on some of my subjects, I was surrounded by Catholic chapels, Catholic friends, and I took 5 subjects of Theology based on Catholic teachings. And I had the hardest time switching from a Catholic world where I spend 5 or 6 days of my week and the Christian world every Sunday. I decided then on that religion is not important, it’s the relationship I have with God that has more bearing. So I go to a church when I feel like going to a real peaceful place where I can just talk to the Big Guy up there when I want to, but I generally thought of myself as a really apathetic Christian, coz I don’t go to church anymore, hardly have time to read the Bible, or even have my quiet times.
And I am not proud of that at all. It took a lotta guts for me to write about it here now. I guess its something that has been a nagging personal issue of mine that I refuse to deal with for the longest time. And seriously, I want to do something about it, I just don’t know how. First off, I want to find a new church, or go to a new church, not because I hate the people at our old church, but more of because I want to start anew. These people who I would see at our old church are the same people I have been with since I was a kid, they saw me grow up, and maybe it’d be better if I’d be with newer faces. Thing is, I don’t know how, with this crazy schedule that I keep.
But, I was really blessed with what Rockwell said that it’s ok to be a bad Christian, what’s important is you try to be better. It’s easy to be a Christian, but it’s not easy to be a functioning Christian, much more a good one. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of time, a lot of commitment, and more importantly, a lot of prayers. And it’s ok to fail, because no one is good at something overnight. So now, I am at peace with being a “Bad Christian”, at least i don’t plan on being that way forever.
On Office Relationships
November 7, 2005A teammate of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend who works in the same company as ours. Although it was she who broke up with the guy, the fact that they work for the same company, pretty much work the same hours, and in the same floor will surely make things hard for both of them. And it reminds me of how scary it can be to be involved with someone who’s just so near.
I remember that in my last serious relationship, which was way back in college, we didn’t go to the same school but we pretty much saw each other everyday, talked everyday, texted everyday, phoned everyday, he was practically “there” everyday. When we broke up, apart from the occasional moments of me missing him being around and/or me being with someone, more often than not I felt liberated to be able to do things on my own again. I guess it’s a case-to-case basis too of how the relationship went, but since then, I really don’t want a guy who’s just too easily within reach.
I don’t want him seeing me just by looking up from his computer monitor or desk. Don’t want him passing by my station on the way to the pantry, the washroom, or the yosi area. Don’t want him having to report every detail of his life, where he is, who is he with, what is he doing, who is beside him, what clothes he’s wearing, what he ate for lunch, dinner or breakfast, how many sticks he’s smoked, who he talked to, and who he texted, emailed, chatted with. And vice versa. I don’t want having to report what I have done for the day, who am I with, what I wore to a party, etcetera, etcetera. For me, it’s not healthy being that way with a SO, just coz he’s not my husband, at least NOT YET. We don’t share the same bed at night (or whatever time it is that we sleep), we don’t live in the same house, and he has no right yet to use my pillows, that kinda thing.
What’s funny is, I am seriously crushing on a guy from work. And although I at first so resented the fact that they got transferred to a different floor that I don’t get to see him no more, in a way, the “absence” has helped us get to know each other better. I don’t wanna be so assuming that we will end up together (although of course it is something I would love to happen), but knowing what’s happening to my teammate was in a way, some kind of a wake up call. That hey, that can happen, people will talk, friends will take sides, both party’s work will get affected, one way or another.
Makes me wonder, do I like my crush that much to risk something like that? And surprisingly, my answer is a resounding YES. Shux, I just need to get him to ask me out. 
La Mesa Eco Park Experience
November 6, 2005I have been bugging my parents for the longest time for us to have a Family Day aka Picnic Day at the La Mesa Eco Park in East Fairview, Quezon City. Since I moved to the GY shift, I found myself having time for actual newspaper reading every morning when I arrive home from work. And I think it was through one of those news articles that I came across reading about the said park. I wanted to check it out because it sounds sooo near and it sounds nice too.
So I planned for us to go there Friday, November 4, since it’s a holiday and my rest day as well so we are all free. Plus, I wanted it to serve as my make-up day for having to work during the All Saints’ Day holidays. But come Thursday night, my Dad said that he has to work the following day, thus all our plans for the picnic became useless. I felt kinda sad but told myself I can just spend the day in a different way since Dad had to work. Me and my sibs even went out late Thursday evening (around 11pm) to grab coffee and we also drove around Manila until 1am. I felt sleepy around 3am so I went to bed, but I guess my body has just been so used to sleeping during the day, I ended up sleeping at 6am, also becoz my sis Bonzai kept on chatting me up.
Around 9:30am, my Mom woke us up and told us Dad’s work got cancelled at the last minute and asked if we still wanted to push through with going to the Park that day. Hell yeah! So with 3-hours worth of shut-eye, we left home around 10am with a blanket and a cooler in our compartment. While we were dressing up, my Mom called my cousins who live nearby and asked if they wanted to come, so our first stop was at their house where we picked up Ate Ria, Dimple and our niece Chelly, and also my Tito June. We then stopped by Ever Commonwealth to buy lunch, snacks, drinks and pizza to bring to the park.
I thought that going there would be quite a long drive, I know it sounded near, but it’s the La Mesa Dam, how can it be so near the city. But no, a good 20 mins after leaving Ever, we were already there. It was so easy to find because there were very helpful road signs on how to go there. In a way, the La Mesa Dam kinda reminded me of Pantabangan Dam in Nueva Ecija, only it was way smaller, I can’t imagine how it supplies water to the whole of Metro Manila, with so many people living in the city. It was funny that they didn’t allow picture/video taking in the dam itself, and when I asked my Dad why, he said it was to prevent bombs to be planted. Okay.
We then reached the parking lot and it was funny coz we thought that the park itself was just straight ahead. It’s a good thing some of the workers stopped us and asked where we were going and when we said to the park, they told us we are already way passed it. But since we were already in that area, they told us to check out the nearby boating area, which is a real beauty if you ask me, with the water so clear and all. It was green too, meaning it’s very deep. I wanted to try boating but when I saw that it was a paddle-your-own boat kinda thing, with no life jackets, I decided against it. So we then trotted to the park itself. The park charges 40bux per person as entrance fee, good until 6pm. In the park there are tables that is a free-for-all kinda thing, just go where it’s free and that’s where you can stay for the rest of the day. We arrived there late so we were a bit worried there won’t be any more tables left, and also because much to our surprise, there were quite a lot of people. Our blanket deemed useless because it rained a bit before we could get there. Yes, it always has to rain when I’m out. But luckily, we found an empty table and had our lunch right away.
The park itself is not that spectacular, but if you consider the fact that you’re still in QC with all those greens surrounding you, it’s not so bad after all. It still needs a lot of development but it looks promising nonetheless. My Tito June commented that it kinda feels like being in Camp John Hay in Baguio only it’s not cold. I walked around with my Dad after lunch and we toured the orchidarium which has lots of orchid plants but none are in bloom. We stayed there until 4pm maybe, just ate and chit-chatted and took pictures and bought souvenirs before leaving.
Before heading home, we stopped by UP and ate fishballs, and I was so glad to have found the fishball stand we used to frequent when I was still in college. They have the best fishball sauce in the whole UP, I swear! I was sooo sleepy after that I slept from 6pm to 8am the following day, 14 hours straight!
I enjoyed my weekend, thank you Lord. 
